I recently took a trip to the Windy City to visit my boyfriend and the Evergreen Skateparks crew while they finish up a new project in Villa Park, IL. About 40 minutes away from the western suburb sits Chicago in all its glory. Deep dish pizza, mega hot dogs (no ketchup of course), and urban/midwest characters fill the streets. A new addition to the city in the last 5 years, which really gets people irked, is the segway. Arguably the nerdiest and most ridiculous form of transportation available, the segway offers tourists a way to see Chicago minus all that terrible walking and exercise. The rider of this device will endure heckling, laughter, and general hatred for what he/she is doing to America. Most importantly, being seen on one of these space scooters is the least cool thing someone can do. Ever. So naturally, I took a segway tour of the downtown area.


It all happened so fast. One minute we were strolling through the Art Institute feeling distinguished, and the next we were bleeding red white and blue getting American on Segways. In all honesty, I had stupid amounts of fun. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. Not to mention, with the over sized orange bike helmet sitting back on my head like a true segway gaper, I looked damn good. After a quick lesson on pitfalls and dangers of the machine, we were touring the city like champs. We were soon taken off training mode, hitting top speeds of 12mph. Yea, I know, we were cruising. People laughed and pointed, and had genuine looks of disgust, but none of it mattered because I was segwaying my fucking heart out.

I say this to you now as an experienced segway operator; if you are ever faced with a spontaneous opportunity to throw caution to the wind and take a segway tour…do it. If you are too concerned with your cool image being tarnished, well get over it. Your perma grin will last for hours and your Instragram likes will reach record levels. With a little whiskey in your veins, your segway under foot, and your lover at your side, the entire world is yours for the taking. Ride on everyone, ride on.